God is Light

Darkness, darkness is the day.
New light is now just darkness
Darkness and decay
Why silence so broken by the fray
I hear the screams in the silent night
I touch their cold hands
I feel their fright.
Through the dark and violent lands
Through the dark, yes the dark. 
I touch my chest and feel their mark
The way they never leave me.
The world is at war 
And my feet wish to flee
Guns so many guns 
Loud so loud
Awaken me.
All I wish is to run
A gun in the crowd
So many are dead
I hear them over and over
in my head
I wonder at the way things are
I wonder if we've all gone too far
I wonder at love and life and light
For now it just seems to be night

Tears are falling
Voices are calling
But they're dead
No one can bring them back
All the colors are blue and red
Flashing lights and sirens
Maybe God forgot us here
Spinning out of control 
Maybe all there is is this irremovable fear
This fear that won't leave me
Until I see
Until I find
Heaven.
 death to the undeserving
Death to the children still unborn
Violence not reserving 
I see a house so forlorn
I hear the mourning
I feel the pain
My voice joining
With the slain
With the darkness
All around me
It makes it so hard to see

God is moving?
God is come?
God is working?
God is near?
I feel the fear
I know the tear
But God?
God is near?
God is in the violence?
God is in the tear?
God is in the death?
This seems to me far too queer 
Then where is God? 
For darkness is here
Darkness is near
Through the night 
Through the fright
I hear a voice in my ear
Light
God is light
God is bright
In Him there is no darkness
Can this be right?


I cry out trying to find my way
I hear only gunshots and dismay
Where is light in this world?
Where is golden sunshine? I pray
I hear a noise and look to see
A smiling child
A family
Life is pouring from his eyes 
His eyes so bright
Like sunlight
Born into darkness does he know?
I bitterly wonder
Someday will show 
But new life in darkness
New life is born
Light in darkness?
Is love not torn?
I see a smile through the tears
I hear a laugh midst my fears
I see the open arms of family, 
Love in darkness is almost brighter then the sun
Blinding me
God's love through God's people 
God's love through His Son

I pace, I stand still and look out
Into darkness no doubt
But in the night
Am I wrong?
Something bright
A faint and quiet song
Saying God is LIGHT.

Wrapping Paper

How much money do you spend on wrapping paper? The other day I went to the store to buy someone a gift, then I saw the wrapping paper isle. Wow. Shiny bows, sparkling bags, colorful prints. So many colors. So much to look at. I got stuck on the wrapping paper isle. I started picking out what I wanted my gift to be wrapped in, before I had even looked for a gift. Suddenly I realized my time was up, my money was spent and all I had was wrapping paper. How would it look to give someone a beautiful, bow adorned, sparkling...empty box?
Then it hit me. That's what I'm doing every day. I'm spending so much time on the wrapping paper that I forget about inside the wrapping paper. Got to look just right, got to have the new styles, the right make up, got to smile just right, do my hair perfectly. How much time do I spend on that? Wondering what people think of me. Worrying about my outward appearances... More then my heart? What if times suddenly up and I realize that I haven spent any time on what's inside?
Am I going to be an empty box with a pretty bow on it?
I don't have to be. If I work on making inside me beautiful, won't that shine through?
Man judges from outward appearances but God looks at the heart. Is my heart sparkling? Is it shiny and pretty? Do I want God looking at it? Wow. I have a lot of work to do. I've been spending so much time on my wrapping paper I've forgotten about the gift. What's inside.
So next time your lured aside by the wrapping paper isle, remember that the gift inside the box is far more
important.

Face The Dawn

Her skies were dark from the beginning
For no one gave her courage
She grew up running
Burning all her bridges
When she saw her father yell
And walk out the door
All her confidence fell
And dropped to the floor
For love is something we all want
Love is what we're looking for
She spent her days alone
Empty and poor
So when he came along
She thought it was what she had wished for
His endless promises and quick smile made her think
Is this love?
Have I found it at last?
He got to her heart fast
And yanked it out by the strings
Before she knew what had happened
The echo of his goodbye rings


So now shes alone
And alone without a heart
Her dry and empty tone
Shows she needs a new start
Little did she know
Her chest wasn't empty
Further from love she rows
And though flimsy
Parts of her heart remain
But trust has been ripped away
Now her only friend
She met while on this road
Is weak and dying
She can't carry the load
So she lifts her prayers to the sky
God is someone she's never known
She is desperate, why not try?
With child like belief she prays
While her friend drifts away
Silence and sorrow
They both hit her soul
She can't face tomorrow 
Because death has taken it's tole.
Now as she sits by herself
She tries to cry
But maybe feelings are on the shelf
Maybe her eyes are too dry
But one thing she does know
God didn't save her friend from death
And though she prayed, He took her last breath
So she digs deep within herself
And curses the sky
And though she still breathes 
She waves faith goodbye


Now her world is empty
For what is left?
She has broke her heart too many times
For faith and love and trust are gone
She should have seen the signs
Her heart is there, not gone like she thought
But it is frozen, no wonder she can't feel it beat
Has God left her with defeat?
Has He let the world strike her down for good?
No, He's right there, and He's slowly melting
The layers of ice on her organs 
So done with running
She starts to feel
Something like trust
As the layers peel
And slowly as she begins to pray
His hands heating her cold soul
That flicker of faith won't go away
And as the last layers are gone
With a trusting smile she breathes 
And turns to face the dawn.

Dear Doubt

If only God would remove the doubt.
How many times have I prayed that prayer? It's stuck in my throat going over and over in my head.
God, just please won't you remove the doubt?
It hurts how badly I want it gone. It staggers the growth of my walk with the Lord, I know that like I know the sun sets every night. But there it is, working it's way in, in little ways until it's built a house in my mind. And now I can't seem to make it leave.
And worming it's way through my heart is what made this discontentment start. I know it's from Your enemy, oh God. Dear Doubt, get your hands off me.
Oh God, save me.
Oh Doubt, leave me.
And it hurts so badly to hear what He said, that the one that doubts is like the surf in the sea, driven and tossed by the wind.
And I feel so guilty, because that's me. But I'm not going to stop praying until it's gone. I'll call on God until it is driven away. Jesus knows I need His help. He'll help me overcome it.  I'll fight it. 
Dear Doubt,
Get your hands off me.

What is Beauty?

There's something I've been wondering. Wondering for a long time.

What is true beauty?

Is it what makes me cry when I look in the mirror and fall short? Is it what satisfies

man's lusts? Is it the charming, deceptive wink?

What is true beauty?

Beauty. Can it be found in the world? But what is beautiful about a lie? What is lovely in something that will only fade away?

Is beauty what makes me feel so insecure? Like I don't measure up? 

Is that beauty?

Is beauty what wins the eye but not the heart?

It's hard for me to believe that God has left us in a world without any true beauty. So I have decided it can only be found in one place.

It's a beauty that forgives. It's a beauty that accepts. It's a beauty that doesn't judge by

outward appearance, but at the heart. It's a beauty that isn't flashy or brash.

I believe I have found the only True Beauty, in the love of Jesus.

For what is lovely without His love?

It will never make you feel un-beautiful. It will never let you down. It will never not

satisfy your needs. It will never fade away. It will never leave you behind. It will never

be out of style. It will never leave you all alone.

I've seen the world's beauty, and it's only a fake and flimsy imitation of what God had

in mind. And as soon as I can learn to stop chasing, always chasing after what the world

says is beautiful, I believe I will feel secure. Secure in the love of Jesus. Secure in the

fact that He forgave me, and that is enough.

“One thing I have asked from the Lord that I shall seek: That I may dwell in the house of

the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord.”

-Psalm 27:4

The Last Story

This is a story,

That I need to write.

In the silence of a new day,

her mother left her there.

Didn't she see she was breathing?

She walked out, and away.

Baby girl, alone, and painfully alive. 

Mother, Mother, can't you hear your baby cry?

Is she loved?

Is she lost?

What's her life,

In this genocide?

Should she quit?

Live no more?

Believe it?

So many burdens she bore.

Breaking noon now,

hello house, where is she?

Bleak, can she cry more?

Little girl, can't you see?

No friends to speak of,

No life to miss,

No love in this cold house.

Father, Father, can You still see her tears?

Is she loved?

Is she lost?

What's her life,

In this genocide?

Should she quit?

Live no more?

Believe it?

So many burdens she bore.

Day turns to night now,

and shes painfully alone.

Didn't you claim love,

where are you now?

She is bleeding,

can't you tell?

You said 'best friends.'

What happened?

Sister, Sister, aren't you supposed to be there, catch her tears?

Is she loved?

Is she lost?

What's her life,

In this genocide?

Should she quit?

Live no more?

Believe it?

So many burdens she bore.

No day now, only dark.

Born in sadness, she never left.

Now a cell, on heart and mind,

body and soul.

Drug, oh Drug, you can't help.

Boy oh boy, where are you now? Friend or foe?

Brother, Brother, where were you when the needle made her cry...?

...Was she loved?

Was she lost?

What was her life, 

in this genocide?

Why didn't we stop her,

before it was too late?

Sometimes theres second chances, 

and you don't get one today.

But theres always tomorrow,

so don't you worry.

Don't leave, feeling bad.

Don't go to sleep, mad. 

Next time, 

Reach out. 

You have the Light,

couldn't you have told her?

Yeah, this is the last story,

I'm going to write.

But you can write your own someday.

"The days are evil"

The devils getting his foot in the door if you ask me. Especially with Christians. It may seem like a little thing. "Just another movie" or "just another book." But are we letting him in in little ways? As  believers we have to be super careful what we let in. I want so badly to "dwell" on what God wants, and that seems an almost impossible task these days.  With music and movies and books calling out my name, what am I gonna let in? Every time I buy a CD or get a movie, I want to be asking "Is this something Jesus agrees with?"
Thats why I shy away from most secular bands and books. The Bible says to dwell on whatever is:
True (containing no lie)
Honorable: (having or showing a sense of what is right and proper)
Right (good, correct, true)
Pure (containing nothing inappropriate)

Lovely (gracious)
Of good repute (has a good reputation)
and anything that is
Worthy of praise.
And I just need to ask myself, whats worthy of my praise? Is this movie pure? Is this book of good repute? Is this CD honorable and true? If your sighing right now and rolling yours eyes, I feel bad for you, because the devil is going to get his foot in the door, A little voice in your head. A little idea in your mind.
Just think about it, if it didn't come from God, where did it come from? The world. And according to 1 John "The whole world lies in the power of the evil one." So whatever is not of God is of the world and whatever is of the world is of satan. Don't write me off, as I can tell by now you probably are. I'm not trying to be close minded, (Though a lot of people think just believing in Jesus is close minded.) and I'm not saying never go see a movie again or stay holed up in your house listening to praise music,  I'm just saying be aware. Be aware of anything thats roots are evil, anything that becomes more then a movie to you.
Because somebody could be taking Jesus Christ"s place.